Joses' Delivery Story

Joses Andrew McDonald was born sleeping at 10:18 a.m. on Tuesday, June 17th, 2014 at Mease Countryside Hospital in Clearwater, Florida. We have known for over five months that Joses might not be able to survive the birthing process. It was on January 6th that we found out that our sweet son had a neural tube defect known as Anencephaly.

Though there are many things about our "Journey with Joses" that we will never forget, memories do tend to fade over time. It is Megan's and my goal to chronicle our memories from the last ten months. We want to preserve how we spent our only time with our son this side of eternity. Although I am not sure how many entries in this digital diary we may make, I would like to begin with one of the later chapters. This is our story of the last few days we had with our son and the subsequent days without him.

(We are in no way ashamed of our son. He was amazingly beautiful and we are happy to share select pictures of him with you. We will not be publicly sharing pictures of his face because we do not want those pictures taken and abused by people we do not know. If you see us in person, we would be happy to share those pictures of our beautiful son with you.)

Monday, June 9th

Megan was 42 weeks pregnant with Joses and was not dilated at all yet. Our doctor was not wanting to add any additional risk of Megan having a C-section so we were told to continue to wait. We were seeing him twice per week at this point, hoping each time that the process had progressed enough where we could safely induce labor.

Wednesday, June 11th

Megan started noticing small bumps developing on the palms of her hands. They did not itch too badly at this point. She just wondered what they were and if she was allergic to something new.

Thursday, June 12th

The bumps on Megan's hands had spread to the rest of her arms and started showing up on her legs and were beginning to itch. We went back to the doctor's office for our scheduled appointment. The doctor said the bumps were typical in pregnancy and said the only way to get rid of them ultimately was to deliver the baby so he wanted to focus more on checking her cervix. Unfortunately, we did not get the news for which we were hoping. Megan still had not dilated any and we were told to come back on Monday.

Saturday, June 14th -- News Day

Megan's rash had spread even more and was making her skin turn rubbery. The pain and discomfort was unbearable. When we called the doctor, he said to come in for her third visit that week. Although he could do very little to help with the rash (also known as PUPPPS), Megan had dilated to 1 1/2 centimeters. We decided that we would induce labor on Monday morning at 10:30a.m.

We excitedly called our fathers who jumped in my father's van that afternoon and started their drive to Florida. We also sent text messages to our siblings to let them know of our news. Tears of joy started rolling down our faces when my sister Mara and her husband Evan called us to say that they rearranged their schedule and were driving from their home in Memphis to stay the night at my sister Leah's home in Shelbyville, TN so the three of them could come to Florida to meet my son.

Sunday, June 15 -- Father's Day

My son was still alive and safely living in Megan's tummy. I actually got to spend Father's Day as a father to my son. I could still love on him, talk to him, and take care of him. It was a wonderful gift.

I received a few other small gifts, but not many as exciting as learning that my brother Kyle was joining Mara, Evan, and Leah in the car ride to Florida. Unfortunately, Kyle's wife Kayla woke up sick and was unable to come with them.

The good news kept coming Megan's youngest brother Stephen was going to drive on Sunday afternoon from Cincinnati, Ohio to Athens, Alabama to climb in their brother Alex's car to drive overnight to Florida so they could meet their nephew.

 We had not expected any of our siblings to be able to come down to join us. Now everyone was coming except Kyle's wife Kayla and Leah's husband Dathan. We were so excited to be able to share our son with people who love him.

Monday, June 16th -- Inducing Day

With little to no sleep, Alex and Stephen arrived at our house in Clearwater, Florida at about 9:30 a.m. Between our parents and our siblings, there were twelve people who gathered in our living room to take a moment as a family and sing a few hymns before Megan and I left to go to the hospital. It was a time filled with tears, prayer, and thanksgiving. I adore my family and their love for us and their love for God. The last hymn we sang was M. W. Bassford's song "Rock of My Heart." Here are the lyrics:

My Lord, I need nothing beside You;

Without You, I could not have stood.

Your promise is my hope and my refuge;

Your nearness, my strength and my good.

When I was distressed and embittered,

By things I could not understand,

Your presence was continually with me;

You always took hold of my hand.

I know that Your counsel will guide me

In wisdom, devotion, and love,

And afterward, You'll call me to glory

To dwell in Your presence above.

My heart may be broken within me;

My earthly strength may depart.

But You are my portion forever,

You are the Rock of my Heart.

You are the Rock of my Heart.

The song really does explain how we all felt that morning. We had no idea what God would choose to do. Would Joses live for weeks, days, hours, minutes, or would he be born alive at all? There were so many questions floating around in our heads. All we knew is that God would carry us through it.

After a group picture, Megan and I climbed into our car and drove to the hospital. They gave us a large corner room that we stayed in the entire time we were there. We had two sweet nurses who answered all of our questions, made us comfortable, and carefully went over our birth plan. They did a wonderful job of making us feel at ease.


 Three hours after we arrived, Megan was given some medicine to help soften her cervix and the waiting began. She began to have contractions close together  but luckily they smoothed out and we continued on with that particular medication. After we got settled in, the family came over to visit with us for a while.

After a two hour nap in the afternoon, our family came to visit with us again and bring me some dinner from Chipotle. Everyone was there except Mara, Evan, and Kyle. They had told my mother that they were going to go pick up a surprise. We were so happy when our sister-in-law Kayla walked in the room. She had felt better on Monday and was able leave her children (my niece and nephew) with her parents and fly down to Florida to be with us.

The nurses checked Megan again and her cervix had softened some, but stayed at 1 1/2 centimeters. The plan was to start using Pitocin to induce contractions around 1:30 a.m.. They said it was to be expected and that the baby would probably come no sooner than Tuesday afternoon. Megan rarely complains, but the itching from her PUPPPs was driving her crazy. She said the itching was way worse than the early-labor contractions. The nurses gave her some pain medication to help her sleep. This is when our family left for the night. Megan was able to go into a light sleep, but the pain of the contractions continued to intensify. 

Tuesday, June 17th -- Joses' Birthday

1:00 a.m.

Pretty close to the time they were thinking about giving Megan the medicine to induce, Megan asked me to go get her some more ice water. Just as I was walking out of the room, I hear Megan give an excited yell. "I think my water just broke. Yep, my water definitely just broke! Get a nurse!" I heard the sound of many waters flowing from my wife. It seriously sounded like someone pouring water from one pitcher to another pitcher and back again. Megan was laughing and talking about how weird it felt. After losing what seemed like gallons of water, Megan was officially in active labor. Shortly afterward, a doctor came in to give Megan her epidural. Megan has been nervous about the epidural but our wonderful nurse coached her through it and helped her get comfortable for the night. Once again, we cannot praise our wonderful nurses enough.  Megan was still 2 centimeters dilated and they were going to let her rest for a few hours and see if she would keep contracting before they tried Pitocin. 

5:00 a.m.

Megan slept soundly until the nurse came in to check her vitals and cervix. The nurse got a puzzled look and said "I don't feel the cervix anymore." Confused, Megan wanted to know what that meant and where her cervix had gone. "It means you're completely dilated, I feel the baby's head" explained the nurse. We quickly called our family and they all migrated to the hospital.

6:00 a.m.

All of the family was in the room visiting with us. Our sister-in-law especially was amazed how calm and chatty Megan was while being completely dilated and having consistent contractions. The nurses asked the family to leave and Megan to do some trial pushes. It looked like everything was progressing in the very best way. Joses was slowly moving down with each push and it seemed like it would be a quick and safe delivery.

During each contraction, Megan found a routine. She would let the contraction build, take a preparation breath, take and hold a second breath and push with all her might for ten seconds. She pushed two more times and rested until the next contraction started. My job was to stand nearby with cup of ice water. Megan wanted to take a sip between each contraction.

6:30 a.m.

The nurses were saying, "Just a few more pushes and he will be out."

7:50 a.m.

Megan was still feeling Joses kick. She looked at a nurse and said "He is kicking! He is alive! I am going to hold him alive." She gained new strength and Joses moved to where his head was clearly visible to the nurses.  

9:30 a.m.

Megan has been pushing for over three and a half hours. Joses was having a difficult time turning and getting into the final position. The contractions were very close together now and Megan had enough time for a few breaths and a sip of water before she had to push again. To add to the stress, Megan's IV had come out and the nurses had to work quickly to put a new one in. This was a challenge because there was very little time between pushes and the PUPPS had made her skin thick and difficult to pierce. After two or three tries, they were able to get her IV in. Even though she had an epidural, Megan was in some serious pain at this point.  Even through the pain, Megan never stopped being her sweet self. Megan had just let out some sounds of pain when the doctor reminded her that she had a button that increased her epidural. In the sweetest and happiest of voices, Megan said, "Oh yeah! Thank you!" It was during this period of time when our nurses amazed us the most.  The shifts at the hospital go twelve hours, 7-7.  We had been blessed with very sweet nurses. Two of the nurses that coached Megan were officially off the clock at 7. Even though they were exhausted, they stayed by her side and helped her through each push. Another nurse who stayed is a good friend of ours. She was in and out of the room grabbing supplies, informing our family what was going on, and providing support. She never sat down even after spending the last twelve hours on her feet. She was invaluable to us as well.

10:00 a.m.

"We do not see any signs of life. He is already gone." The doctor confirmed what our hearts already knew. Our son could not handle the stress of being stuck. The doctor explained that Joses was not able to turn properly in the birth canal to get around Megan's pelvis. Our son had died sometime in the past couple of hours. With the help of the nurses, the doctor did all he could to maneuver Joses out. 

10:18 a.m.

Joses was born into the world without ever taking his first breath. My son was handed to a nurse, the doctor cut the cord while I was consoling my wife. I followed the nurse over to the table where I dressed my son in his first outfit and wrapped him in a special blanket with his name on it that was given to us by some friends. I carried him to my wife so she could see the little man who has been so intimately with her for over ten months.

10:35 a.m.

While Megan was being attended to by the doctor, they called our family into an unoccupied delivery room where I was able to introduce them to my son. Everyone was able to hold him and love on him. We all cried as we held him and kissed his sweet cheeks. The hospital has photographers on staff and they were able to capture many of these precious moments for us.

10:40 a.m. - 4:00 p.m.

We got to spend a lot of quality time with our son. We shared much of our time with him with the rest of his family. There was so much joy in seeing  how loved this little one was. Joses was held the whole time by someone who loves him. However, there was a substantial amount of time where it was just Megan, Joses, and I.  We enjoyed looking at each of his sweet features and seeing who he took after. Megan was thrilled that he had thick,dark hair just like she did as a a baby. His tiny hands and feet were perfect. He had my ears and my mouth. It was so wonderful to finally see the little one we loved.  

Thankfully, our son was eligible to donate two heart valves to hopefully save the lives of other babies. Unfortunately, that meant that we would have to say goodbye to our son sooner. Megan and I gave him a bath and changed his clothes. We sang  "Jesus Loves Me" and "Happy Birthday" to Joses, kissed our son for the last time, and I laid him in his little bed for them to take him away. It was one of the hardest moments of our lives. 

Megan and I spent the remainder of the day crying some, praying more, and resting most.

Wednesday, June 18th

Megan was released from the hospital and we had to say goodbye to most of our family who was visiting. It was nice to be home and sleep in our own bed.

Friday, June 20th

My father and my mother-in-law picked up our son's body and casket from a funeral home in Clearwater, Florida and drove him to a funeral home in Sparta, Tennessee. Joses' body will rest there until Megan and I are able to travel up to Tennessee to bury our son. 

I want to take this space to say a special thank you to everyone who has been reading this blog and sending us wonderful encouragement. I started writing ten days after I found out about my son's condition. I never knew how important it would become in my grieving process nor how quickly it would grow. We knew this was going to be a journey for us but we never expected all of the unexpected turns it would take. While we feel great pain at the loss of our beautiful son we have been encouraged and blessed abundantly during this time. Thank you for your support for my family through this time.