More than I can Handle

"God will never give you more than you can handle." I hear this quoted over and over. The truth is, it just isn't Biblical. The closest thing to it in the Bible is 1 Corinthians 10:13. 

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

This verse is talking about temptation, not persecution or suffering. The fact is, there are things that happen in life to good people that they cannot handle at all. Sometimes Christians get cancer and it takes their lives. Sometimes car accidents happen and it causes great suffering. If someone came to my front door and aimed a gun at me and pulled a trigger, that is something that my body could not handle. In the second letter we have of Paul's to the Corinthians, he describes his own situation.

For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life; indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead;  who delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, He on whom we have set our hope. And He will yet deliver us, (2 Corinthians 1:8-10)

Paul was "burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life." Would you tell Paul, "God never gives you more than you can handle, so you must not be handling it well"? People are often given more than they can bear. Sadly, many times people turn to alcohol, drugs, or other sin to escape their problems if only for a while.

Difficult challenges happen frequently. I am going through what is, in some ways, the most difficult challenge of my life. My wife is over nine months pregnant with our son. We are four days past our due date. Back on January 6th, we found out that our Joses has Anencephaly. We have known for five months that our son is going to die shortly after being born. What would you do if you got news like this? In the Anencephaly support groups we are in, we have heard of people who have been driven to alcoholism, adultery, and bankruptcy because they could not bear the load. Where do you turn?

Back in December (one month before we knew of Joses' condition), I was blessed with the opportunity to teach a Bible class for three different churches (two in Florida and one in Tennessee). I had no idea how much I would benefit from those classes. Each of those times, I started with the question: "when you are feeling low, depressed, lost, and alone, where do you turn in scripture to find comfort?" Many people gave many good answers such as Psalm 23 and the book of Philippians. However, the one I enjoyed then and the one that has been the most dear to me since is Psalm 27. I ask that you attempt to read this Psalm through my eyes. This is where I turn when life is more than I can handle.

Psalms 27:1-14

(1)  A Psalm of David. The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread?

(2)  When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh, My adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell.

(3)  Though a host encamp against me, My heart will not fear; Though war arise against me, In spite of this I shall be confident.

(4)  One thing I have asked from the LORD, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the LORD And to meditate in His temple.

(5)  For in the day of trouble He will conceal me in His tabernacle; In the secret place of His tent He will hide me; He will lift me up on a rock.

(6)  And now my head will be lifted up above my enemies around me, And I will offer in His tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD.

(7)  Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice, And be gracious to me and answer me.

(8)  When You said, "Seek My face," my heart said to You, "Your face, O LORD, I shall seek."

(9)  Do not hide Your face from me, Do not turn Your servant away in anger; You have been my help; Do not abandon me nor forsake me, O God of my salvation!

(10)  For my father and my mother have forsaken me, But the LORD will take me up.

(11)  Teach me Your way, O LORD, And lead me in a level path Because of my foes.

(12)  Do not deliver me over to the desire of my adversaries, For false witnesses have risen against me, And such as breathe out violence.

(13)  I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.

(14)  Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.

Verses 1-3 expresses absolute certainty that banishes fear, regardless how big the threat might be. If God is on our side, who can be against us? He is described here as my light, salvation, and defense (stronghold). There are no difficult circumstances that can shake God.

(2-3) The second verse is past tense while the third verse is future tense. Past deliverances give absolute confidence for the future. The third verse is exaggerated for effect. Imagine the terror of one criminal aiming a gun at you. David says he would not be afraid if an opposing army was aiming for him.

(4) These verses present a single-minded determination to always be in the presence of God. Beholding the beauty of the LORD should be our highest of ambitions in life. When I think about this, petty trials do not seem to matter nearly as much. Twelve thousand years from now, my life will not seem like it was that much longer than my son's life. Yes, I do get comfort knowing I will spend far more time with my son in the afterlife than I will spend with anyone in this life. However, the greatest blessing of heaven is the opportunity to see God in all His glory. Comparatively, NOTHING else matters.

(5-6) God is the one who will lift me out of this situation. The only reason I have my chin up is because God is the lifter of my head (v6). David's reaction to difficult circumstances was to sing praises to God. The night we found out that Joses had Anencephaly, Megan pulled out a song book and we sang together. Hymns have been one of the greatest sources of comfort for us.

(7-12) This prayer of David is for divine aid. God calls each of us to seek His face. It is up to us to say "Your face, O LORD, I shall seek."

(13) This has been the most impactful verse in the Psalm to me lately. Promises of Heaven are wonderful and should be enough motivation for us to move forward, but here David looks to the more immediate future. The "land of the living" would be in contrast to the "realm of the dead." When David says this, he is talking about this life. The reason he did not despair in the middle of trials is because he knew he would see good days again. One thing that has carried Megan and I through this trial is to know that we have laughed together multiple times every day of our marriage and we never plan to stop. Even in the darkest of times, we find something to make us smile. It gives us a glimpse of our future. God will show us his goodness in the future, even in this life.

(14) David's advice for me in this trial is to "Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD." Yes, there are many circumstances that we cannot handle, but God can handle them all. Stay faithful to God and He will carry us through.

The Hope of David

 One of the most beautiful aspects of the Bible is how easy it is to relate to different characters. As has been mentioned a few times in this blog, my Bible hero (other than Jesus) is Barnabas. He was such an encouraging person, the apostles no longer called him Joses (his real name), but Barnabas (meaning "son of encouragement"). I love his example so much, I have planned for years to name my first son Joses (because naming a kid "Barney" would just be cruel). Though I know I have been able to be like Barnabas by encouraging many people through this blog, lately I have found David to be more relatable.

 

While I never expected to join David in the "dad's with deceased children" club, no one could imagine I would join him in the exclusive club of fathers who are told "the child that is born to you shall surely die" (2 Samuel 12.14b). (If you are not familiar with David's story, I suggest reading 2 Samuel 11 & 12. It says it far better than any attempt for me to summarize it.)

It was after 10:00pm on January 6th, 2014 when Megan and I were sitting in a triage room at the hospital, waiting for our doctor to come tell us the results from our second ultrasound that evening. We had the college football national championship game on in the background as our imaginations were running wild with different possibilities of what the doctor might tell us. We had never heard the word "Anencephaly" before. Our doctor tried to explain to us what it meant. For clarity purposes, Megan asked "so our son never developed a brain and he will probably die?" To which the doctor replied, "Yes to everything except the 'probably' part. Anencephaly is not compatible with life outside the womb."

Both David and I were told with certainty that our children will die. While I was told by a reputable doctor, David was told by a prophet of God. Doctors can make mistakes, God does not. Survival and complete healing of an Anencephaly baby is unprecedented, David's situation was truly impossible. However, David responded by doing something inspiring: he prayed. Immediately after informing the reader that the child was struck with sickness, the text says "David therefore inquired of God for the child" (2 Samuel 12.16). Not only did David pray, he fasted and spent the night laying on the ground. Later in verse 22, David tells us his thought process: "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, 'Who knows, the LORD may be gracious to me, that the child may live.'" In a hopeless situation, David found hope in a merciful and compassionate God. God had the ability to change His mind. David knew God answers the prayers of His children. The text leads us to believe that David fervently prayed for seven days that God might spare his son.

This is where I am right now. David knew of his son's imminent death for seven days, I have known about my son's condition for slightly less than five months. We are three days past his due date and he will likely be born within the next week. Our doctor is suggesting we induce labor by no later than next weekend if he does not come on his own before then. I am toward the end of a period of waiting to see how God will answer my prayers.

Just like Paul and Jesus (as mentioned in my previous post), God answered David's prayer with a "no". God did not relent his punishment and the child died. It is very possible that God will give me the same answer. To me, the most inspiring section of 2 Samuel 12 is when it describes David's response to the death of his son.

Then it happened on the seventh day that the child died. And the servants of David were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they said, "Behold, while the child was still alive, we spoke to him and he did not listen to our voice. How then can we tell him that the child is dead, since he might do himself harm!"  (19)  But when David saw that his servants were whispering together, David perceived that the child was dead; so David said to his servants, "Is the child dead?" And they said, "He is dead."  (20)  So David arose from the ground, washed, anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he came into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he came to his own house, and when he requested, they set food before him and he ate. (2 Samuel 12:18-20)

The order in which David acted was obviously planned ahead of time. After not eating for a while, it doesn't seem like a spur of the moment to make a decision to continue forgoing food. There was, at some point, a time when David made a decision how he was going to react to the news that his son has died. He had decided how he would react. I can picture David, laying on the flood with a tear stained face, planning out each possible scenario. If God spared his son, David would immediately worship God. If the child dies, David would immediately worship God. David's response puzzled his servants.

"Then his servants said to him, "What is this thing that you have done? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept; but when the child died, you arose and ate food." He said, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, 'Who knows, the LORD may be gracious to me, that the child may live.' But now he has died; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me." (2 Samuel 12:21-23).

As a grieving father, I cannot for a single second believe that David stopping loving or missing his son. I am sure David thought of that child often for the rest of his life. I am sure it was especially difficult for David because he carried the guilt of knowing that he was responsible for the child's death. His sin caused the child to die. Thankfully, I do not carry that weight on my conscience.

Something that comforts me is to see David's faith in Heaven. David knew he would see his son once again. Although some may claim that the doctrine of "Heaven and Hell" is only in the New Testament, we have solid evidence that the faithful children of God have always believed in the afterlife where we would join the faithful who go on before us. As Paul explains, Christians do "not grieve as do the rest who have no hope" (1 Thess 4.13). Like David, I know that I have the opportunity to join my son in heaven forever. This does not mean that I will not grieve for my son, but that I do not have to grieve like those who have no hope.

Hope. Hope is an amazing thing. Please consider this last passage:

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,  (2)  through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God.  (3)  And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance;  (4)  and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope;  (5)  and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:1-5 

Hope does not disappoint when it is built around faith in God. If you are reading this and wondering at how I can move forward, it is because I have faith. I can live and worship God because I know that Heaven is just ahead. If you are not living a life of faith and do not have confidence in your salvation, please feel free to contact me.

seththepreacher@gmail.com

All Sufficient Grace for Me

May 26th, 2014 is today's date. It is Memorial Day to most Americans. However, Megan and I have had this date marked for nine months now. Today is Joses due date. He may or may not come today (that is entirely up to him), but it still seems like such an important day to us. As we have approached this day, and even now, I wonder if I am strong enough to go through this trial. When I am honest with myself, I see that I am very weak. However, in 2 Corinthians 12, Paul said that being weak is not so bad.

 Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me--to keep me from exalting myself!  (8)  Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me.  (9)  And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.  (10)  Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

Although many have speculated what Paul's "thorn in the flesh" was, there are only few things that we know for certain: 1) it was painful, 2) it kept him humble, and 3) Paul wanted the problem to be solved.  I know many people have been praying for us. We have not had an ultrasound to see our son in over a month. It may be true that God has already answered those prayers and corrected my son's neural tube defect. Perhaps God will heal Joses today or even after being born.

From the evidence we have seen, it is likely that God is answering our prayers in a similar way as He answered Paul. I am not sure how many times I personally have prayed that God would save my son. Paul prayed three times for his solution. While Paul received an audible response from God, those same words have been speaking to me from the page in my Bible. "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness."

At first, it seems like a cryptic or even a political way of saying "no". When you dig down to it, Paul is praying for something and God is denying Paul's request in a friendly way. However, the more you think about it, the more meaningful it becomes. Here are three lessons to learn from God's answer:

God's gifts are more than I deserve.

God has blessed me with far more than I deserve. I am a scummy sinner who deserves eternal death (Romans 6:23). No parent would tolerate in their own children the way I have treated my Heavenly Father. Whatever grace God is willing to give to me, it is far more than I deserve.

When I count my blessings, it is unthinkable to accuse God of stealing my son from me. God has blessed me with the past nine months with my son. It has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. If God took not only my son, but my wife, my family, and everything I have away from me today, but still offered salvation to me, it is still far more than I deserve.

God's grace is more than sufficient to meet all of my needs. Even when God answers "no", there are so many more times when He answers with "yes". God's grace is sufficient for me.

Even when the answer is "no", it is because

God wants and knows what is best.

I have no doubt that God is both wise and good and wants to do what is best for me.  I would much rather He be in charge of my life. God has proved Isaiah 55:8-9 to be true many times over.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9) 

I do not have the ability to direct my own steps and get where I want to go (c.f. Jeremiah 10:23). To know this is true, all I have to do is look at a few examples in scripture. If you offered a young Joseph the opportunity to be thrown into a pit, then sold into slavery, and then thrown into prison, my guess is that he would have said, "no thanks". He, nor his brothers, nor would anyone else have imagined that God had planned for him to be a great ruler of Egypt. I am sure you would have gotten a similar "no thanks" if you had offered Daniel a chance to be thrown into a lion's den, his three friends to be thrown into a fiery furnace, David to be tormented by Saul, or Job to lose everything he owned. Who would have guessed those stories to end the way they did?

God's providence is amazing. Yes, bad things happen to good people. However, those same bad events always seem to bring someone closer to God. God is glorified through the most difficult of circumstances.

If God answers me with a "no", it is obvious that it is because

God wants me to be more like Jesus.

A Christ-ian's purpose in life is to be like Christ. People of the world should be able to see Jesus living in us. In order for this to happen, we need to become more like Christ. Just like Paul prayed three times for God to remove his thorn, Jesus prayed three times to "let this cup pass from me" (Mat 26:39). Paul's attitude mimics Jesus' statement of "not as I will, but as You will."

Jesus was willing to accept weakness for the purpose of displaying the power of God. God asks us to do the same.

Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. (Philippians 2:5-8)

We are to have the same attitude that Jesus had when He humbled Himself by taking on flesh and dying on the cross. Paul said twice that his thorn was to "keep me from exalting myself" (2 Cor 12:7). Being selfish and proud is the exact opposite of being Christ-like.

God told both Paul and Jesus "no". If God is answering my prayers in a similar way, perhaps God is teaching me to humble myself and rely upon Him.

Conclusion

I do not know how God will answer my prayer. He very well may deny my requests. If He does, then I am in good company. God also answered both Jesus and Paul with "no". Jesus' attitude of "not my will, but yours" is similar to the way Paul responds:

Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9b-10)

This time is difficult. Megan and I have both shed many tears. We know that this time will pass before we know it and will probably go by faster than we would like. We can, however, let God be strong for us. We can let His strength be displayed through our weaknesses.

The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD." (Job 1:21b)

Our Plans

Many people have asked us about our plans for what happens after Joses is born. I am sure many more people are wanting to ask but do not want to upset us. I thought I would share with you this way.

 

We just got back from our 38 week check-up. Everything is quiet and uneventful as usual. Megan's blood pressure is good (the doctor's main concern). She have officially gained a lovely 35 pounds and we are wondering how much of that is Joses. She barely gained weight until her third trimester and now she packing on at least 24 oz every week it seems. Joses is quite active. He had the hiccups when we got to the office and while we waited. He continued to hiccup while they took his heartbeat. 

Joses' due date is Memorial Day, May 26th. Our plan is to avoid a C-section and allow Joses to come on his own if possible. Due to the nature of his condition, Anencephaly babies tend to go post term. Our limited research (asking other Anen parents what happened with them) suggests that he could come anytime between now and 44 weeks.

Megan's mother is here now and my mother will be here on Thursday. They will both be staying with us until after Joses is born.

First, we know that 1) God has His own plan, 2) God answers prayer, 3) God is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, so statistics and man's wisdom does not apply to us in many ways. Only God knows what He has planned for Joses and how long our son will be with us. That being said, we are preparing for any number of paths that might be taken knowing that God's choice is the best choice for us.

We are making arrangements with friends who have a car seat and extra newborn furniture to be on standby to help bring Joses home when Megan is released from the hospital if he is still with us.

We have also made preparations if our son dies. Joses will be buried next to my grandparents in Cookeville, Tennessee. The plots were purchased years ago for our family. We have contacted the funeral home there as well as one here in Clearwater to coordinate the arrangements.

Once Joses has left his earthly tent behind, his body will be transported to the funeral home here in Clearwater where it will be prepared for burial and placed in a casket.  My father desires to drive Joses' casket from Florida to Tennessee. Where he will be kept by the Tennessee funeral home until Megan is cleared for travel. Megan and I will fly to Tennessee for a family-only, grave-side funeral.

Both funeral homes have wonderfully offered all of their services for Joses for free. All we will have to pay for is the infant casket and death certificate. All funeral related expenses (besides travel) will cost less than $300.

Prayers are still coveted. We have that "ready to meet him" fever but know that hello also means goodbye, so we want the time to slow down, too. It's a weird middle ground. Thank you for all of your love and concern throughout this pregnancy. It has helped SO much.